*I'm pissed off!
*Because I loved him
*A lot
*I still do
*I don't know
*And I see what he is doing now
*He was doing the same when he was with me
*But I miss him like crazy
*And its killing me that he doesn't talk to me now
*Like I'm the one to blame
*Like I hurt him
*Like I did something bad...
*If loving is bad
*Then I shouldn't love again
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Wednesday, 21 April 2010
Monday, 19 April 2010
Birthday Wishes!
I recently found this new blog of an artist who displays his work online with some quotes underneath...
It really got me thinking when he quoted something really nice from the novelist Neil Gaiman.
So I'm asking you: Do you agree with that? Cos at the end of the day, this is what love really is. Does it really worth going through the same feelings all over again?
To you: It's your birthday today, and I can't even text you... So have a silent wish from here...
Happy Birthday baby! I'm sorry... I still love you!
It really got me thinking when he quoted something really nice from the novelist Neil Gaiman.
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”
So I'm asking you: Do you agree with that? Cos at the end of the day, this is what love really is. Does it really worth going through the same feelings all over again?
To you: It's your birthday today, and I can't even text you... So have a silent wish from here...
Happy Birthday baby! I'm sorry... I still love you!
Friday, 16 April 2010
Routine
'Good morning', I said...
...But you are not here to listen.
I slowly got off bed and moved to the kitchen... while I was pouring the freshly brewed coffee in a mug, the awaking smell reminded me of the days you were here. Preparing breakfast before work, watching the news in bed.. then a warm hug and a kiss just before leaving home.
And the hours were going by so slowly. Until the afternoon when you were returning home to hug and relax with a glass of wine.
I was so blind. I could not see anything more than love. Just a look in your eyes and everything was simply perfect. Just a touch and everything was turning into a sparkling firework!
Just before the final explosion... That ruined everything I was building.
Have a good day out there!
Tuesday, 13 April 2010
Glitter In the Air
There you are, sitting in the Garden, clutching your coffee, calling me Sugar... You called me Sugar!
It's been a few months since the last time I woke up early.
After my breakup everything turned to be fucked up in my life. I ruined my sleeping hours, I sent my friends away... and I ended up feeling the most lonely person on earth.
This morning I woke up around 8am, went to make my self a warm cup of coffee, and this song suddenly came into my mind. Seriously, what was Pink! thinking when she was writing it? Sure thing is.. I was thinking of him again.
It really sucks... Going to sleep with him in my head, waking up with him in my head, after a long dream with him in it. Some times I really feel that the love I have for him has turned into paranoia. Is that really possible? Who knows. I know that each person thinks and acts differently. I do accept advices, but seriously.. Is that what I'm gonna do? Or just follow my blocked brain and hurt heart?
Listening to this song it really got me thinking. Why people are so unfair really? I gave everything I had. I gave so much that now I cant even feel a bit of a excitement for anyone I'm meeting. I don't feel like I have anything to offer. No love to share anymore. And it kills me 'cos the other one moved on to another relationship only 2 months after breaking up with me. I know I promised to tell the story on this post, but I am not ready yet to share this emotion. Its long, and going back to it again it will only keep hurting me. When I will be ready to face it, I will tell you everything.
On this post I want to talk about trust. Trust can be related with any person involved in our lives.
Starting with family trust, I want to point out that I happened to be lucky, because I have a solid family, without problems, lots of love to share, and nothing to keep us apart except the distance.
Friendships' trust. Well that's a really important issue. I know I only have 2-3 real friends. The rest are just 'mates' and 'buddies' and people that I will meet in the future and talk with nostalgia about the moments we had together. But can I really trust those people? Can they trust me? After my breakup I managed to sent everyone away. I take the credit for being an ass to my friends and mates, only because I had the urge to talk to someone. But my talking was taking too long and I know that when a problem is not really yours, then it doesn't really bother you. But where am I now? All alone in a large double bedroom, somewhere in London, trying to cope with life. Being on my final year of studies I should be in a library studying and working. Instead, I can't concentrate on one simple task because of my stupid emotions. Yes stupid! And all these is because I trusted one person only, and that person ruined my life.
So relationships' trust is also important. I'm not talking about 'cheating'. I refer to the possibilities of someone being actually honest about his feelings, and show you this trust, not with words, not with actions, but with affection, and to make you see what's in his heart. I'm not hurt because he left me. I'm hurt for the other things he did. He proved me wrong about his qualities as a person. He turned out to be an 'honest liar'. And now I'm just obsessed and jealous of him moving on, and me not being able to see or touch anyone else, cos even if I tried, I was only feeling that I was doing something wrong, I was thinking of him... So I stopped hoping for something new...!
What happened to all those plans? Why did he even tell me all that lies? Why did I trusted him that he loves me? What do I do now? Moving on? Seriously that line doesn't work on me anymore. And no! I wont go back after some time and think of what I've been through and laugh. I used to laugh when I had my great life experience to be with him. To share a life, a home and 'my' love with him. Now I only have memories. And when I go back to that memories, I don't laugh. I just feel sadder and sadder.
Only because I have the eternal 'Why' spinning in my head. Cos at the end of the day... I only need to trust my self, and believe that I can deal with my feelings...
A friend once told me something which I believe is one of the wisest lines I've ever heard.
''Emotions/feelings, are the only true things human beings have. They are unique, special and most times, uncontrollable, whether we like it, or not!''
but that's how I feel. Uncontrollable... And I know, having someone new, will not resolve my problems. Can I at least have a new self? or at least go back a year ago and be the old me?
I know it's up to me. But my heart wont let go. And my heart wont understand the big fucking 'Why'...
So here I am, sitting in the Garden, clutching my coffee, thinking of you Sugar...
BHGG
After my breakup everything turned to be fucked up in my life. I ruined my sleeping hours, I sent my friends away... and I ended up feeling the most lonely person on earth.
This morning I woke up around 8am, went to make my self a warm cup of coffee, and this song suddenly came into my mind. Seriously, what was Pink! thinking when she was writing it? Sure thing is.. I was thinking of him again.
It really sucks... Going to sleep with him in my head, waking up with him in my head, after a long dream with him in it. Some times I really feel that the love I have for him has turned into paranoia. Is that really possible? Who knows. I know that each person thinks and acts differently. I do accept advices, but seriously.. Is that what I'm gonna do? Or just follow my blocked brain and hurt heart?
Listening to this song it really got me thinking. Why people are so unfair really? I gave everything I had. I gave so much that now I cant even feel a bit of a excitement for anyone I'm meeting. I don't feel like I have anything to offer. No love to share anymore. And it kills me 'cos the other one moved on to another relationship only 2 months after breaking up with me. I know I promised to tell the story on this post, but I am not ready yet to share this emotion. Its long, and going back to it again it will only keep hurting me. When I will be ready to face it, I will tell you everything.
On this post I want to talk about trust. Trust can be related with any person involved in our lives.
Starting with family trust, I want to point out that I happened to be lucky, because I have a solid family, without problems, lots of love to share, and nothing to keep us apart except the distance.
Friendships' trust. Well that's a really important issue. I know I only have 2-3 real friends. The rest are just 'mates' and 'buddies' and people that I will meet in the future and talk with nostalgia about the moments we had together. But can I really trust those people? Can they trust me? After my breakup I managed to sent everyone away. I take the credit for being an ass to my friends and mates, only because I had the urge to talk to someone. But my talking was taking too long and I know that when a problem is not really yours, then it doesn't really bother you. But where am I now? All alone in a large double bedroom, somewhere in London, trying to cope with life. Being on my final year of studies I should be in a library studying and working. Instead, I can't concentrate on one simple task because of my stupid emotions. Yes stupid! And all these is because I trusted one person only, and that person ruined my life.
So relationships' trust is also important. I'm not talking about 'cheating'. I refer to the possibilities of someone being actually honest about his feelings, and show you this trust, not with words, not with actions, but with affection, and to make you see what's in his heart. I'm not hurt because he left me. I'm hurt for the other things he did. He proved me wrong about his qualities as a person. He turned out to be an 'honest liar'. And now I'm just obsessed and jealous of him moving on, and me not being able to see or touch anyone else, cos even if I tried, I was only feeling that I was doing something wrong, I was thinking of him... So I stopped hoping for something new...!
What happened to all those plans? Why did he even tell me all that lies? Why did I trusted him that he loves me? What do I do now? Moving on? Seriously that line doesn't work on me anymore. And no! I wont go back after some time and think of what I've been through and laugh. I used to laugh when I had my great life experience to be with him. To share a life, a home and 'my' love with him. Now I only have memories. And when I go back to that memories, I don't laugh. I just feel sadder and sadder.
Only because I have the eternal 'Why' spinning in my head. Cos at the end of the day... I only need to trust my self, and believe that I can deal with my feelings...
A friend once told me something which I believe is one of the wisest lines I've ever heard.
''Emotions/feelings, are the only true things human beings have. They are unique, special and most times, uncontrollable, whether we like it, or not!''
but that's how I feel. Uncontrollable... And I know, having someone new, will not resolve my problems. Can I at least have a new self? or at least go back a year ago and be the old me?
I know it's up to me. But my heart wont let go. And my heart wont understand the big fucking 'Why'...
So here I am, sitting in the Garden, clutching my coffee, thinking of you Sugar...
BHGG
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
How to Mend a Broken Heart
I was google-ing the other day some random stuff and I came across these 'break up quotations', and I got really interested in one saying ''A breakup is like a broken glass.. If you try to put the pieces together, you will only end up hurting your self''.
Well... Do you know what I did? I tried to fix the broken glass. Do you know what happened? I got even hurt!
Its been more than a month since my official break up and my life from 1000 suddenly dropped to -3000.
What did I do wrong? I just loved someone more than my own self! For giving everything to him, I found my self being punished by losing him, being left outside, alone, without him, lost my mates, ruined my social life, my sexual life... and nearly failed my last year of studies!
So here I am now.. writing my feelings in here, basically cos I just cant sit around and do nothing!
My starting post rises a question:
How to mend a broken heart?
Important tips:
On the next post I will narrate the story in short from the very beginning of this relationship, just to show you my readers how hard I have been treated and that what I am going through now is not just another break up!
For all those who really loved someone and lost him/her for any reason, don't be afraid to share your feelings.
After all, all I need is your experiences to get over my Love...
Thank you guys, hope to keep me company in here!
BHGG
Well... Do you know what I did? I tried to fix the broken glass. Do you know what happened? I got even hurt!
Its been more than a month since my official break up and my life from 1000 suddenly dropped to -3000.
What did I do wrong? I just loved someone more than my own self! For giving everything to him, I found my self being punished by losing him, being left outside, alone, without him, lost my mates, ruined my social life, my sexual life... and nearly failed my last year of studies!
So here I am now.. writing my feelings in here, basically cos I just cant sit around and do nothing!
My starting post rises a question:
How to mend a broken heart?
Important tips:
- I'm still crazy in love with him,
- I get paranoid when he is disappeared and ignores me, and
- I cant move on to anyone.
On the next post I will narrate the story in short from the very beginning of this relationship, just to show you my readers how hard I have been treated and that what I am going through now is not just another break up!
For all those who really loved someone and lost him/her for any reason, don't be afraid to share your feelings.
After all, all I need is your experiences to get over my Love...
Thank you guys, hope to keep me company in here!
BHGG
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