End of season...

Its officially the end!

University years are now past. Meeting all my friends on Friday, we had dinner at Busaba Ethai, Thai in Panton street and then drinks till the morning hours at 101 at the Centre Point. That was our way to say goodbye to each other. Some of the things we loved doing for the last three years was going out for food and drinks to fancy places, and spending time together, gossiping, arguing, laughing... Creating memories!
I had a great time to be honest. A time that I will actually miss since all of them left this week...

On Saturday night I went to a gay club. My best friend arrived from the North and I really wanted to go out with him, just us guys, drink and have a good time. And we did. Then again on Tuesday we went out at this Brazilian bar at Old Street and it was just amazing! Was actually right after the game between Brazil and N. Korea so everyone was kinda in the mood! Lots of samba and beers! Although when I drink and get drunk, I feel a lot worse emotionally and I sometimes do things I shouldn't.

I remember where I was a year ago, and I compare that to now. It annoys me. Cos I'm in my mid twenties and instead of going out and having fun like everyone else does, I hardly go for a drink and I'm avoiding every single chance I find!

I do have a reason why I asked if you believe in Tarot reading on my previous post! I didn't either, but after certain things that occurred it eventually made me believe. And because of those beliefs, I'm stuck here waiting. Well its not like the normal Tarot reading. It's something similar to it but from a different culture and with different symbols. It is actually called Deste and it is a love fortune telling of the witch Katina from Smyrna.

So the Tarot story goes like this...

May 2008: First reading:
"A female with dark characteristics, really involved in my life, will not succeed is something she is doing at the moment"... Love life, ''you will be between 2 similar guys a blond and a dark blond, but you will end up with the blond because of sexual attraction''..
(BTW, Never mentioned my sexuality and two men appeared on the cards)

I was honestly laughing! I only got concerned about the female who won't succeed. Because of my origins, I knew a few dark featured females but I couldn't tell who and why. By the end of July my flatmate called me, telling me that she didn't pass her second year, and, her university will not allow her to repeat the year. In other words they kicked her out. Now she just graduated from a different university and she got a job in a big firm with offices around the globe.
Oh.. She has dark skin, black eyes and black hair.

In December 2008 I met a guy that I call 'B'. We chatted a lot, and met a few times. Nothing sexual happened, not even a kiss, but I really enjoyed spending time with him. By February I found out he has a boyfriend. He told me that he wasn't doing anything bad since nothing happened between us, yet he was flirting a lot and never mentioned me to his boyfriend, even as his mate. By the end of February I never met him again and eliminated our on-line conversations to the maximum. I would never go in between someone, and wouldn't want to talk to anyone who treats someone else this way. (wait..there's more)

April 2009, Paris, Second Reading:
This time I only had positive future reading, except one fact! More precisely the reading said that "a man with blonde features will come in my life very soon, he will change everything on me and will also make me go over the moon (in a way). Good wealth and perfect health" (also confirmed by my GP that my Hepatitis B levels are extremely high and I only had the vaccine once instead twice). The only negative thing was that "a family person will have difficulties in reproduction". That was confirmed a few months ago by a really close relative. She can have babies but it will be hard to have one.

One month after the reading I randomly met another guy, which was a bit struggle to communicate at first as I wasn't paying attention back then since I wasn't looking for anything. I call him 'X', and He is the famous ex of mine! Since the first time we chatted for good, we came to a conclusion that 'B' was 'X's' ex bf. And 'B' cheated on 'X' with the guy he now has as a boyfriend. 'X' broke up with 'B' for other reasons. He later found out that 'B' cheated on him. All those happened one and a half year before starting my relation with 'X'. (I promise I will post my story when I'm ready).

To go back to the Tarot reading, I was in between two similar men as predicted (both same race, nationality) and ended with the one I eventually had sexual attraction. In addition, this blond man, made me the happiest person ever and also changed everything in my life. So the Tarot reading was once again true without trying to make them come true.

January 2010, Third Reading:
"Problems with the blonde male, and no happiness". WoW tell me something I don't know. Since January, I feel like the sky had fallen on top of me and I'm only feeling better the last month(s). In addition, when I put the person of my interest in the middle of the cards (there are multiple ways to read this type of Tarot cards) I got a reply saying that "things will be as it were at the beginning but with bigger bonds and stronger affection". At first I thought that it meant a better chance with someone new. Someone to show me that there are a lot better people out there that I actually deserve. But the person I kept locked under the cards was him. I was asking about him.

Its been said that its takes up to 6 months for the readings to come true. And I have to be honest that deep down I kept that hope that things will change and they will come true. Cos I always longed for something I didn't get. And I was hoping that someday this reading, like the rest, will actually come true. And for that reason I was making it hard for me to let go and start my life again.

This weekend he will be travelling to Spain for a week. I don't know if I will stay in London any more. I have to go to my country soon for a 4 weeks intern-ship I have and it will be very helpful for my future career, but I still don't know if I will ever come back, continue to Postgraduate studies or find a job. I don't want to leave this place, but it looks like I will have to very soon. And for that reason I made the mistake to ask him if he wants to meet each other, as there might not be a chance to meet again. And yes, I stopped believing in the readings, even though some believe that they do come true, (experience talking), just because I want to stop believing in us being together again. But I'm not saying that I wouldn't like to see him.

It took me a while to come to my senses. And I'm not expecting any reply from him now, I just did it cos I wanted to give this one last hopeless try, and finally realise that I am much better without him, and I deserve something better.

Although he will always have a special place that no-one else will ever replace, even if the reading was talking for someone new!

So this is the end...

The end of University years, the end of my pain, the end of my hopes... its the end of my season... and perhaps the end of this blog.

Thank you for reading and for giving advices guys!

Misiu. x