My Life as an endless Issue!

I started writing this blog about you, or about me.. I don't know. I just know that I never got the chance to introduce my self. Well, I think maybe is time to get this blog to a different level and let people know who I am.

You can call me Misiu. Of course that's not my real name but it is related with it for my own reasons!

I live somewhere in London and I'm sharing a fairly nice flat with two amazing girl mates who I adore! I met them through another girl friend four years ago. I met her at Uni, we lived together for four years and then she relocated in East London for further studies. Then I end up living with her two best friends for a year! They are amazing. But sometimes they annoy me a lot! I know its my fault. I'm just too weird when it comes to certain issues in the house!

I'm on my final year of studies in Humanities and English and I can't wait to bloody graduate!... final weeks actually :D Then probably JOBLESS, as I'm looking for a Summer job but there's nothing out there!

I have 2 best friends! A gay guy who lives in North England and a straight one who lives in France! (the reason I go there every year). I adore them both! And when we are all three together, we never stop laughing! Urgh... I miss those sunny days driving by the beach and acting stupid!!!

Laughter! Something I didn't do for the last few months!

Who's fault is it though? Of course it's mine. Everything is my fault. I remember my self before you. I was a young hot guy studying like crazy, going to gym almost daily, feeling healthy, eating healthy, going out with my Uni friends, relaxing, and living every minute! But I always had that gap in my life, until you came to fill it up! BULLSHIT!

I ignored my whole life - lifestyle for you! Just to give you everything. And look at me now. I have nothing! And whose fault is this? MINE!

The past few days I was thinking about you a lot! And then I was going back to the 'degree completion process' in order to get you off my mind! Then you were popping in again! You annoyed me a lot! I couldn't talk to anyone about this, cos I'm not allowed anymore! And that's where I thought of my faults again. I can't talk to anyone about you. My friends got bored of me! No one wants to listen to this! I totally understand but, I need to! Well that's why I'm blogging right?

I never was like this! I was the happiest person on earth! Everyone loved my company cos Misiu meant laughter! Now Misiu means boring sad bastard.

So I'm trying to change this now! I'm trying to be fun and be like I used to be! But no one seems to like it anymore. Everything I do or say seems wrong to them! I feel unwanted :/ What the Fuck is happening anyway? I'm Misiu Past, you don't like it... I'm Misiu Present, you still don't like it... And I know everyone adopted this negative image of me and now they can't see the old me! So... yeah... that's my fault again.

I went through grieving, through mini anorexia (not the mental one), I'm still going through the no sex phase (cos I cant imagine someone else touching me after doing everything with you - and I'm still wondering [still hurts] how you did what you did). But anyway, now I don't talk about you to anyone and I'm back to my normal weight (around 65kg) thanks to Cadburry!!!

Urgh, there was something else I wanted to say about my life in London and the people around me but I forgot!

So in conclusion, what did I gain? I mean, I gave up my life, I gave you all my love... I did everything for you... for what? No friends, no life, no fun?
My life lately is studying - lunch - studying - dinner - studying - facebooking - blogging. And wanking sometime in between! I'm all alone, and don't feel like doing anything..

SO does it really worth all these? If that's what relationships (gay) have to offer, then thanks but no thanks! I know most of you say I will find something better.. I know... but I'm really afraid now!

Anyway, is getting late! I should go sleep cos tomorrow I have another long s-l-s-d-s-f-b (w) day! And I will be really pissed if I dream of you again tonight!

P.S - I am desperately looking for a job! Anything related to Media, Communication, Journalism, Freelance Writing, Publications, Museums, Gallery etc! CV on demand!